


Out of My League

by taetens



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Confession, Crushing, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Pre-Relationship, self doubt, soft content, sort of sad but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:08:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25227319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taetens/pseuds/taetens
Summary: Dan thinks Phil is out of his league.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Out of My League

Another day where Dan is feeling rather gloomy as he curled into himself, gripping onto the edges of his blanket as he held it tightly around himself.

Now usually there was a reason behind these days. For instance, something going wrong, or a flashback from a memory that wasn’t all too pleasant, but today, it all started just from waking up.

A heavy sigh left his lips before he looked at his phone that was laying next to him. The battery was just as drained as he was as he had forgotten to plug it in whilst napping. He shook his head at that, reaching over to grab that lighting cable before plugging his phone and watching the familiar battery sign flash on the screen momentarily.

It was only a matter of seconds until his phone charged to at least 1%. There flashed a quick message that was sent approximately 30 minutes ago from Phil that made him smile.

From: Phil 🌿  
_Danny! Assuming you’re still cooped up in that bed of yours, so be aware that I’ll be over at your place in around an hour or so! And don’t worry! I’m bringing snacks!_

Dan couldn’t help but smile at the message, a fluttery feeling in his chest as he sat up and decided to get dressed. Now of course he wasn’t trying to impress the blue eyed boy, they were best friends and there was no need for approval.

But part of him just wanted Phil to look at him with that special glint in his eyes.

And there it was. A thought that made Dan groan as he made his way over to the washroom. Dan was never one to crush on people. Usually he spent his time not looking at others and mainly keeping to himself, but the thing about Phil was he liked breaking people’s walls down. He liked grabbing this massive like sledgehammer and breaking apart every single protective layer that Dan had created in the past 23 years of his existence just to see who he really was underneath.

And quite frankly, no one had ever made that much effort to get to know him. No one really bothered to look past his somewhat dark exterior other than Phil. If anything, that was his mission in the first place and he was rather successful in the end.

The whole soul searching left Dan a little vulnerable, and he absolutely despised the feeling. But at the same time, he didn’t mind it simply because it was Phil.

After a few minutes of washing himself up and getting dressed, Dan managed to make his way over to the living area and sit on the couch. He didn’t worry about standing up again since Phil already had a key to his place. Perks of being such close friends. 

Dan mentally cringed at the word friends. Now there was nothing wrong with being Phil’s friend. If anything, he was a metaphorical ball of sunshine that he was convinced everyone needed in their life. But after being close for so long, Dan was feeling the urge to suddenly ditch the friendship title and look for something else.

But of course, he backed down from it.

The thing about Phil is he practically is the sun at this point. Always bright and warm wherever he goes. He always manages to make the mood in the room feel light and airy, meanwhile Dan on the other hand made it tense and uncomfortable.

Sometimes Dan compared them to the Sun and Moon. Oddly working together to provide for others and maintaining balance on Earth, all whilst never being able to be in a proper relationship due to their differences.

That and he desperately couldn’t lose their friendship. Not after Phil had completely demolished his rough shell and was currently poking at his soft side. 

Dan was immediately pulled from his thoughts when hearing three familiar knocks before Phil stuck his head out through the side of the door as he walked in. “You’re awake!”

Dan smiled slightly at that, taking into account the small crinkles by Phil’s eyes as he smiled. “Of course I am, after all it is the afternoon.”

Phil chuckled softly, closing the door behind him before he made his way over to the couch where Dan was seated. “What have you been up to? Anything new and exciting?”

“Nothing in my life is new and exciting.” Dan deadpanned before he broke into a smile when seeing the way Phil was staring at him. “I barely woke up, that is about as exciting as my day will be.”

“Well, you’re in luck!” Phil smiled brightly, and Dan couldn’t help but compare it to the way it felt like drinking hot chocolate on a cold day, instantly warming you up from the inside to the point where you feel your cheeks tint pink. “I’m here to brighten up your day that way you don’t have to stay brooding in your room and away from human interaction.”

“You make it sound like I’m some cave dwelling animal.”

“You’re not, at least most cave dwelling animals interact with one another.” Phil teased as he sat down next to him. It was blowing Dan’s mind on how they were on a three cushion sofa, yet Phil was sitting in the one right next to him instead of the far right one.

“Now, I’ve been watching this new Anime, it’s called—“ Dan immediately zoned out at the feeling of Phil’s thigh pressing against him own. He couldn’t even focus on what Phil was trying to show him on his phone, hell, he didn’t even know when the black haired boy managed to pull out the device.

“Something on your mind, Dan?”

Dan snapped out of his mindless trance, looking up to meet Phil’s blue eyes. He noticed the way Phil’s gaze had softened as he was looking at him.

Dan definitely did not deserve that look. 

He did not deserve someone like Phil.

“I—can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course!” Phil smiled as he shifted in his seat so he was now fully facing the curly haired boy. “What’s on your mind?”

Dan felt his face heat up as he looked down at his hands, desperately trying to make himself bigger since he was shrinking under Phil’s gaze. “Have you ever... fallen for someone before? Someone you just can’t have?”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows slightly. “I have in the past. Of course it didn’t work out.”

“Did you try?” Dan spoke softly before looking up. 

Phil bit his lip slightly as he looked at Dan. Part of him just wanted to cup his cheek and keep him there, preserving him for another time just to admire him.

“Dan. Are you crushing on someone right now?”

Dan almost passed out at that. Sure he was steering that conversation in that direction, but hearing out loud what the topic was now made him internally panic.

“I-I–“ Dan blushed madly, there was no hiding how pink his cheeks were even if he lowered his head back down. That itself was the yes that Phil was looking for making him smile slightly.

“And who’s the lucky guy?”

_Guy_

Times like this he had almost forgotten that he entrusted Phil with his sexuality. Sometimes he forgot that he even came out to him whilst he was still hiding away from the rest of the world, family included. 

“You.” Dan managed to blurt out. And just like that he felt like he was on the scene for the movie Titanic watching his entire vessel submerge under icy water as his skin suddenly turned cold and drained of color. He watched in horror at the way Phil seemed taken back.

Dan quickly tried metaphorically scooping water out of his ship to stop the sinking by sputtering out some weak attempt at clearing the air. “You-You don’t know him.”

Dan felt like his ship was saved when seeing the way Phil’s shoulders no longer seemed tense. He thought he did a miraculous recovery until he realized how beaten up his little boat was as he stared at Phil.

“It’s not me?”

Dan didn’t know how to respond to that question. It was a two way street of uncertainty with signs. One read “RELATIONSHIP AVENUE” while the other screamed “BROKEN FRIENDSHIPS” and both were quite traumatizing.

“Do you like me?” Dan almost groaned. Never in his life did he think he would be placing down an UNO reverse card on his own deck, but it felt like the safest choice. Although it did make him feel terrible since now the pressure was on Phil.

But then again, he rather have Phil break his own heart than to do it himself.

“Dan, you’re my friend.”

“You can just say no.” Dan scoffed softly. He wasn’t in the mode for the whole friend speech. The one that would make things awkward and uncomfortable. It was practically shoving him into some box that he hardly fit in , and after so much time being stuck in his own closet, he didn’t need some other confined area to lurk in. 

“No. Listen.”

Dan swallowed thickly at the change in tone. Phil was always sunshine and happiness. Nothing else was in between. He was always so bright and loving, and this new tone was like a scattered rain cloud that hid away his happy self.

“You’re my friend, Dan. Someone I care immensely about. I don’t want to ruin what we have as a friendship.”

“I don’t understand where you’re getting at, isn’t this some friendship speech—“ Dan felt every muscle in his body go rigid as he felt Phil grab onto both sides of his arms, tugging him forward. He couldn’t even tell what was happening until he felt soft lips press against his own. 

Dan felt frozen, not even Phil’s warmth being able to thaw him since he was so convinced that he didn’t deserve this. What on earth did he do to deserve to be in the position right now, having the one thing he’s wanted since the second he met the boy online and created a bond.

Dan closed his eyes tightly, part of him wanting to cry because this was his little fantasy. He couldn’t help but be selfish and grip onto the material of Phil’s shirt, kissing back until he felt his lungs give out. 

He was still trying so hard to push the thought of him not deserving to have this. He of all people shouldn’t be the one kissing Phil. He was just some pity rain cloud that always rained on the boy’s parade. He was so gray and lifeless and God, Phil was life himself. 

Dan felt Phil pull away, the oxygen slowly returning into his achey lungs while his eyes remained shut. He was terrified that if he would open them then he would be met with regret. 

But that didn’t happen. Once Dan worked up the courage to open his eyes, he was met with Phil’s small smile as he pressed his forehead against his own.

Phil’s hand somehow managed to rest at the curve of his hip, the other still resting at his bicep. “Dan, you’re my friend, but sometimes I just wished you were a little more.”

“You like me.. that way?”

Phil let out a breathy chuckle as he looked at Dan. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Dan was about to speak, but instead was cut off by a small peck on his lips that had him blushing. 

“On second thought, I know you have a list deep in that articulate mind of yours. I wish it didn’t exist, but then again, I have my own list in my head that speaks so highly of you. Maybe one day I’ll share it with you just so you can see the way I see you.”

Dan smiled slightly, resting his head at Phil’s collarbone while feeling the way the dark haired boy held him close.

And for once in his life, Dan felt like maybe he did deserve to have this.


End file.
